Unless you’re Julie Andrews with blood made of sickly sweet maple syrup you’ll be familiar with that heart pounding image producing vomit inducing feeling that comes when your lover mentions an ex. All of a sudden the mere mention of someone with the same name leaves you with goose bumps and steamy pictures in your head you wish you could live without.
Unfortunately though unless you married a virgin, there will be an ex in sight somewhere and learning to deal with the inevitable is a good way to pretend that you’re all grown up and mature enough to handle his past. (Even though we know we’d rather scratch her eyes out!)
Don’t Blame Him
Although you may want reassurance and you may feel like taking out your hurt pride on him, resist the urge. Just as you can’t change the past, neither can he. Yes at some point he may have been in love with the person and they may cross his mind from time to time, but really, if he wanted to be with them he wouldn’t be with you.
Don’t Compare
This is easier said than done, sometimes it’s much easier if we don’t see pictures at all however with Facebook and other social media outlets curiosity really does kill the cat as we can’t resist having a little look at least at the profile picture. Don’t compare yourself as it’s a mixture of your personality and your looks that make him love you above all else, and if he says you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever met-he means it.
Treat Yourself
If thoughts of his ex are getting to you and you find you’re obsessing over it a little much take some time out. It may be that you’re overtired, at an emotional time of the month or have recently undergone life changes such as the birth of a child that are making you feel rotten. Make sure you do something for yourself, have a night out with your friends, take a spa day, enjoy being you and the woman your lover fell in love with.
Remember the Reason
Although it’s unhealthy to ask too much about an ex, as you’ll only torture yourself with images, remember that there’s a very good reason these two people aren’t together anymore. Maybe one cheated a sure sign of a lack of respect and love, or maybe they simply drifted apart realising once the honeymoon period was over there wasn’t much left to sustain them. We have different relationships at different points in our lives, such as the school hunk when we’re only 15 (who is now probably a low life paying maintenance on several kids), the worldly wise teacher in our Uni years (who finds it difficult to have a relationship with anyone over the age of 21), the man from work in our twenties (who was great for helping us settle in a new place) and then our best friend who will hopefully be around for a long time to come.
Thank Her
Don’t send her an email but do say little silent thanks, as without her your partner wouldn’t have learned some valuable lessons that make you both so compatible today.