I’m known as a relationship expert and dating expert, probably because I often find myself on the dating scene and have written a few books about the subject. Five years ago I left my husband and just recently I joined a few dating sites to see if I could unearth some deep desire to start dating again. I’m not convinced dating is for me right now, work is busy, life is full and I’m looking for someone to be a bonus to an already happy life. I’ve encountered enough red flags to start a flag shop and I’m probably a lot pickier than I used to be.
Dating in My Twenties Vs Dating in My Forties
When presenting shows for Dig4Love in my twenties I would give advice on how to write a good profile. Many people get stuck at this point, unable to share their good qualities without sounding like a narcissist. Others have writers block on what women would like to read, and worry about coming across as anything less than genuine. My advice works, men, and women, (the advice for women will come next week if this gets likes), still get in touch to tell me how many more matches they receive, meaningful conversations, (I’ll also share how to start a conversation that flows) and how many more dates they have as a result.
Now I’m in my forties and the landscape has changed a lot but the profiles have not and it is so sad to see. I have men friends telling me they have no matches and then, a few tweaks of their profile and those love hearts come rolling in.
Here are my tips on how to write a profile to attract a woman, a long lasting friendship or relationship. These tips will probably not work if you, or your match, is looking for a ONS.
What Do I Talk About On My Dating Profile?
In your intro describe what you like to do in your spare time, your interests, what makes you tick, your favourite foods. You can talk about places you’ve travelled to, places you’d like to go to, or a really good book you’re reading. You can also talk about favourite foods, drinks, movies, TV shows along with activities you like to do. If that fails try talking about where you’d like to be in five years. You can also mention what you’re looking for but try to avoid anything physical, talk about personality traits you admire here, this is how they will realise you also share the same traits. If done well you can blow your own trumpet without expelling a breath.
Something like, “Hey I’m Nick, I’m new to this but will respond to every message. I’m pretty active, I like to surf at the weekends and discover new beaches, while during the week I love nothing better than a good Netflix boxset and a small glass of red. I’ve travelled all over Europe but would love to go further in the next few years and I’m looking for someone to share new experiences with who has a sense of adventure, a love of the small things in life, and can handle my dad jokes.”
What NOT to Talk About On Your Profile?
Your Honesty
Although you want to get across that you have integrity, you’re trustworthy and you’re a good egg, DO NOT put this on your profile. A profile that reads, “I’m a genuine guy that’s trustworthy, loving, loyal and easy to get on with.” Reads the exact opposite! Let them discover all this for themselves. You don’t need to describe your best attributes. Little adjectives such as laid back, easygoing, active, light sleeper are fine but the genuine and honest content screams you’re not genuine or honest.
Your Children
Do NOT share pictures of your children. Try not to talk about your children. This may seem harsh but it will put anyone but a child snatcher off. You’re not looking for another mother for your children, and even if you are, introduce them slowly. You won’t attend a first date and talk of nothing but your kids? Parents are on these dating sites to find time for themselves. A little luxury, a little grown up conversation, not to be reminded of the responsibilities of everyday life. After a few months dating you may meet each others kids, then and only then can children dominate the conversation, keep them out of your profile. In addition to this, how cringed out will your kids be when they realise their faces are plastered all over Match.com?
Your Sexual Preferences
Unless you’re looking for a hookup, leave this out. In fact leave out anything that mentions a part of a woman’s body. Your potential match knows you’re thinking of someone else’s body when you type it, as you haven’t met this match yet. I’m forever coming across profiles that talk about loving boobs, having a high sex drive and needing to make love very soon. That’s off-putting. Really off putting and I’m not sure why men can’t see this. It’s almost as bad as the D*** pic. Why?
Your Past Relationship
We’re all on these dating sites as we’ve been hurt in one way or another, there’s no need to share the story here. Save it for date number three. It makes it seem like you’re not over your ex and guess what? You’re probably not.
What You Don’t Want
So many men highlight what they’re not looking for on their profile. This is fine if you’re receiving 100 messages a day and having a hard time filtering through them but the chances are you’re not. Take the blinkers off and reserve your judgement for the inbox. You don’t have to reply to every message or like everyone that likes you, that’s the beauty of the dating site. By highlighting that you don’t like big women, or those with children still at home, you’re only showing your narrow-mindedness, nothing else, and someone you do like will swipe away. Never to be seen again.
Ask Me Anything
Along with dating profiles displaying all the red flags listed above there are also those that are just empty or filled with, any questions, just ask. We won’t be asking but thank you. If you can’t take the effort to let us know what we could be talking about, we won’t make the effort to get in touch. Even if you’re Brad Pitt, it’s an effort, and when women receive so many likes and messages on these things it’s so easy to just swipe onto the next.
Now we’ve discussed what to talk about, let’s discuss your photos. These say a thousand words without any letters and make an instant impression.
What Is a Good Picture to Use on a Dating Site?
A good picture is one taken of you, not a great distance away, by a friend or relative (not your ex, we can tell). One where you’re in your natural habitat, casual clothing, or even dressed up for a nice night out. If you don’t have many of these, try a selfie but there are rules to adhere to here.
No Half Naked Photos
You could have the best six pack a woman has ever seen but unless the photo was taken by someone else as you were casually swimming or sunbathing do not share half naked photos. They reek of narcissism. Especially those taken in a bathroom mirror where we can see you breathing in. Please don’t.
No Filters
One of the biggest gripes men have is that women use filters in their photos, we’ll come to that in the follow on article. Don’t give into temptation. You do not want to see the look of dismay cross your date’s face when you turn up looking like a Wish version of the You you put online.
No Old Photos
If it’s older than five years, leave it out, unless it’s part of an album and it’s clear to see it’s one from when you were young. Again, you’re setting yourself up for a fall.
No Children
We get it, you adore them, you’re the dad of the year, they’re all you care about but not in your dating profile. Will they be on the first date too? Just no.
No Vehicles
If you’re stood next to a motorbike that’s great. A picture of a motorbike on its own with no context? Weird. So many do this, not sure why, we don’t want to date wheels, unless there is a man sat in them. It’s strange.
Selfie Rules
Many men share selfies that are so close to their face you can see their pores. These generally cut off the forehead too. Buy a selfie stick if you have to, just create some distance. on’t use your webcam either, it gives us true crime vibes.
Animals Are More Than OK
A picture of you with your dog is great, brilliant for starting a conversation, wonderful for showing you’re an animal lover. A picture just of your dogs, bit odd but passable.
No Ex Blurred Out
I can’t believe I have to say this but don’t share a pic with your ex cut out of it. You may look amazing in it but all we think is you’re not over it. We’d rather you ugly than in a photo with your ex.
In Summary
I get it, it is hard to talk about yourself online, to put yourself out there to be judged but everyone that comes in contact with you has had to do the same. We’re all in the same boat here and no one is being cruel (except the bots). Just think of it as your first date eve, you’ve picked up the phone to introduce yourself, then write. If you talk about what you love your passion and enthusiasm will shine through. Your best side will be shown to the world and someone will definitely take the time to fall in love with you.
