I was one of the first people in the UK to start Buvidal. Three years ago after many gruelling mistakes at the pharmacy, waiting for Subutex while in withdrawal, my prescriber mentioned this new wonder drug. I’d just need an injection every month, my cravings would disappear, I’d be able to act normally and withdrawal was said to be a breeze. Only ten spots were available, did I want to be a guinea pig?
Now, a disclaimer here. I’ve shared my opiate addiction and kratom addiction story many times, not in an altogether altruistic way as it helps me to look back and see just how bad I was. However, a lot of people have called BS on this. Some think I’m pretending in order to gain trust before selling other people’s stories. Some think I’m big pharma talking them out of this natural remedy called kratom. Others disagree with my withdrawal symptoms, which is crazy to me. Every single person is different, everyone experiences the highs and the lows differently. From age to metabolism, dopamine receptors to inhibitors, we all have experiences completely unique to us. Now that’s over with, let’s move on.
The Decision to Start Taking Buvidal
I was skeptical at first. I still loved taking Subutex every morning and afternoon (I would split my dose so I felt that mini high/ relief twice a day). I hated queuing at the pharmacy just hoping they had my prescription. I had ended up in A and E on bank holiday weekends when they closed early due to short staffing, that was hell. However, when it worked and I got two week’s worth of maintenance drugs I was happy. I had no plans to reduce or quit. I actually thought I may be on these for the rest of my life.
My opiate addiction was (is) long, spanning decades. I did not know how to function without opiates in my system.
Then something changed. My mum rang to tell me she had just months to live. I went to stay with her but kept having to to the 8 hour drive down the M1 and M5 to return for my script. My key worker was on annual leave. There was nothing else I could do. Then mum was moved to a hospice. They gave her days.
I stayed with her, just me and her, living in the hospice. On day 6 I ran out of subutex. My mum was still conscious at this point, I explained the situation. I was on the highest dose. Just stopping could literally kill me. She told me to go. I have never driven so fast in my life. I’m not proud of it. Every second away from her felt like a complete betrayal. I was ashamed, angry with myself, sobbing uncontrollably, and so very very sad. I was petrified that she’d die alone, without me, and I’d never feel her ever again, never hear her voice, never ever experience that all consuming unconditional love that can come only from someone who truly loves you. I hated myself and my addiction.
I picked up the drugs and set off back straight away, being away for less than 24 hours and driving through the night. I was so scared of getting that phone call telling me she’d passed.
When I arrived, after security, I ran to our room. My uncle and aunt were there and they immediately moved away from the bed. Mum was awake. She gave me the biggest smile with tears running down her face. “You came back!” She was ecstatic. She reached for a hug and took an hour to let me go.
I stayed by her side, glued to her, sleeping in the same bed until she died five days later in my arms.
I will talk about this, and my father’s, partner’s, uncle’s death in more detail in another post, as all of them made me truly believe in life after death. For now, it’s about the drugs.
Once I’d packed up mum’s house, arranged the funeral, sorted everything, alone, (which is not easy on Subutex as you are in a constant fog of tiredness) I told my key worker I wanted to go onto the injection. I didn’t even know the name at that point.
First Dose of Buvidal
The first dose is a weekly one. You have to go into withdrawal first, a state I’d spent my life trying to avoid. It was 8mg. It was ok but I felt a bit squiggly and really missed taking something. The cravings were immense but I told myself the monthly would be better. Just one week to get through.
The monthly injection made me feel immediately better but after a week I started to dip so I had a top up dose of 8mg again. The next time they increased my script to the highest dose, 128mg monthly.
I was feeling ok. I was sleeping a lot, more than 14 hours a day but I told myself I was doing the right thing. I stayed in this semi comatose state for two years. I’d look forward to the monthly injections as I felt a buzz and a high throughout the day. The following days I would sleep and sleep. My family got used to it. They shouldn’t have had to, but they did.
How the Buvidal Injection Feels
The actual injection felt like a bee sting but I enjoyed that. I’d swear and complain with a smile but any addict knows that’s when you feel you’re getting the drug, whether it’s a scratch and a prick or a bitter taste on the tongue or a burn up the nose. It’s all part of the process. It’s a ball like gel substance that slowly dissolves and I soon started having the injections in my behind as my tattoos on my arms were becoming a little lumpy.
Reducing Buvidal
Although it felt like I was I was barely functioning on Buvidal. I was permanently tired, falling asleep at the wheel sometimes and early mornings would knock me out for days. I couldn’t work a normal job and my concentration was completely shot. I forgot simple things, my memory just disappeared within minutes and I had constant constipation.
Yet I didn’t crave. I wasn’t living though. I asked for a reduction.
With my first reduction my (grown up) children noticed a change. I was less tolerant, snappy, as if I had PMT for a month. This made me stop and think if it was worth it but with three adults, one child and fifty two animals to support, I needed a clear head again. I needed to work.
Maybe the decision to reduce was a little easier for me as I took opiates to give me energy, focus, to allow me to work 20 hour days without stopping. (I now realise this is a common self medicating trick used by those with ADHD as many feel drowsy on codeine, I did not). I hated this sluggishness, this tiredness, this laziness.
So I reduced again. The next few times I had my injection I felt drunk. The out of control kind of drunk where your head spins and the world rotates. I hated it. I needed to get to the lowest dose. It took a year but I got there with very little support as staff changed all the time and key workers were hard to find.
My Last Buvidal Dose
My last dose of Buvidal was on 16 April 2026. They let me take it 5 days before I was due a trip to London with my daughter. I wanted the weekend to sleep so we could have a good time. There were tube strikes. We walked 30,000 steps a day. Not something I’d be able to do today.
All I was offered was a phone call at the 5 week mark (that never came) and a few paragraphs from a guy who’d quit Buvidal and was happy. That’s it. Apart from one 3 minute meeting with a new key worker (who knew nothing about Buvidal withdrawal) 2 months later I have had zero support. It has not been easy, but don’t let that put you off.
Withdrawing from Buvidal
I was told my Buvidal withdrawal symptoms would peek at 5 weeks. That’s when I started taking a diary and testing to see if I still had buprenorphine in my system.
Here’s the diary.
5 weeks 1 day since last injection
Positives:
- Excitement
- Laughter (real)
- Food tastes amazing
- Regular bowels
- Clearer head
- Better memory
- More focus
- No need for afternoon nap
- Feel refreshed after sleep not groggy
- Not out of breath as much
- Hugs from kids feel incredible
Negatives
- Old trauma resurfacing
- Time to truly face financial and family problems
- Quicker to anger/ get upset
- Get physically tired easier
- Less chatty
Symptoms
- Headaches (constant)
- Nausea (constant)
- More time on toilet
- Restlessness
- Boredom feeling
- Aching bones
Week 5 plus 2 days
Positives
- Stronger connection with family
- More appreciation for each person
- Stronger feelings of love for all children
- Easier to get out of bed
- Clarity in seeing things ignored
- Easier to laugh
- Quicker to joke
- Can listen to multiple things at the same time (except American accent)
- Things seem more manageable
- Nervous excitement
Negatives
- Guilt
- Nicotine doesn’t taste as good
- Bad taste in mouth all the time (has it always been there?)
Symptoms
- Boredom – easily solved by distracting myself with TV – games etc
- Restlessness – a walk/ exercise helps a lot
- Headaches (when will they piss off?!)
- Irritability
- Paranoia
- Backache
Week 6 plus 4 days
Positives
- Thinking clearly
- Food tastes good again
- Finishing what I start
- Bowels moving again
Negatives
- Sorting trauma in my head
Symptoms
- Restless Leg Syndrome (this is the thing I despise about all withdrawals and often a reason I go back as I hate it)
- Flu like symptoms
- Inability to concentrate
- Headaches
- Nausea
- Fatigue
Week 7 plus 6 days
Positives
- Bowels moving
- Sleeping properly – actually feel rested and not waking every hour
- Don’t need to pee as often
- Clearer brain
- No longer letting things slide for peace (could be a negative too)
- Real emotion watching films – cried for 2 solid hours watching The Fault in Our Stars and TipToe
- Feeling genuine love and appreciation for people around me
- Have some passion back
- Can eat during the day now without needing a nap
Negatives
- Think I have a cold or something as I’m knackered
- See injustice and get very angry
- Realising all the things I need to do but energy really low
- Feeling pain from fibroids
Symptoms
- Restless legs (although seems to be improving a little)
- Body aches
- Headache
- Sore throat
- Emotional
- Could be down to cold
Week 8 plus 3 days
Positives
- Sleeping less
- Clearer head
Negatives
- Poor concentration
- Quick to anger
- Hard time regulating emotions
Symptoms
9 week mark
- Buvidel test still showing positive
- Aches and pains all over
- Restless legs make it hard to sleep and get comfortable
- Concentration poor
- Only movies / TV / gardening helps
- Easily bored
- So so sick of this dragging on
Week 10 plus 3 days
- Having relapse dreams every night
- Restless legs almost gone but staying away from caffeine after 2pm
- Easy pissed off
- More awake and alert when awake
- Stomach upset constantly
- Cravings – lots of
- Hunger
- Get bone tired easily
- Stressed
- Memories coming back – regrets etc
Week 11
- Shortest ever meeting with keyworker
- Prescribers on annual leave, can’t help with RLS
- Just got to suck it up
- Very very tired but hate my bed as it signifies yet another sleepless night
- Buvidel test strips still showing positive
Week 12
- Restless legs keeping me awake, driving me insane, sleep is not something I look forward to anymore.
- Have asked for help, was ignored by keyworker
- Will go to my GP but don’t want another drug to wean off. Trying everything else
- This has been a very very hard 12 weeks. Not sure if it’s better to get it done with in 3 days to a week or if prolonging it is better
- People REALLY need to know about this
- Aches and pains really bad right now. Getting very tired very quick. Locked up in Asda after day walking round Taunton – luckily it was gone by next day
- Not looking forward to endo period with zero pain relief
- Hoping to update more positively in a few days
Week 13
- Still got restless legs but not as bad. Gives me hope that it’s slowly going away.
- Now sleeping just 8 hours instead of the 14 plus on Buvidal
Week 16
How I Feel After Quitting Buvidal Today
